Psychology of Love: Why Girls Chase After Bad Boys

Dating assholes has been an eternal struggle for girls everywhere. You hear your girlfriends complaining about it, you hear yourself complaining about it; and the worst; you hear the nice guys complaining about it.

Don’t worry nice guys-let this champion break it down for you. I’ve taken the time to dissect this ongoing issue concerning girls always dating assholes and throughout my endeavors, I found the underlying origins that will clear up the status quo.

Here’s the thing: no girl actually WANTS to date an asshole. Instead, every girl wants to be the girl that changes the asshole.

The majority of girls are enticed by assholes because it’s a damn quest. Fundamentally, dating in your twenties is all about playing the game; am I right or am I right? We already know going into it that he’s probably an asshole, but we do it anyway, every time. Why? Because every single one of us is fervently craving to be that exception, the one who makes a player quit the game.

This perpetual loop is forced by nature. After all, we’re just creatures, right? It’s not you, nice guys; it’s nature! (Try that line next time a nice guy is trying to cross over the friend zone.) Dating an asshole is sort of like taming a wild horse. You meet out in the wild; you work to gain their trust and respect, train them a little and then, ‘Viola! Your horse has been branded. Nice guys, on the other hand, are like old golden retrievers. They’re all loyal and fun-loving and you know that they’re always going to be there waiting for you with their unconditional love. I don’t know about you guys, but I want a wild beast of a horse not some old shaggy dog.

Dating a nice guy is just boring for us. Girls love a project. We feel more of use in a relationship when the other person needs fixing; it keeps us busy-it’s like a little part time job. As females, we like to be a source of growth and evolvement. We want to be the one who ripens you into the guy who sends us a ‘good morning beautiful’ text. That text doesn’t mean as much if we’re not the one responsible for it’s renovation. Nice guys are already fixed and that’s no fun. Dating someone who doesn’t need fixing would be weird because it’s not really yours, it just feels lived in. Chances are that we are going to get bored with the nice guys, ultimately end up to hurting you. You can take my perfectly molded Rainbow flip-flops or my favorite infinity scarf away from me but don’t make me be the bad guy! Don’t do it!

It’s all just one big rush. When you get involved with an asshole, the both of you are put in a very vulnerable state, which is what makes this whole situation so zesty and invigorating; it’s like a spicy hummus-yum! Basically, assholes are scared of experiencing feelings while girls are scared of getting hurt. It’s a toxic sequence that both parties are ruthlessly participating in. Whether you recognize it or not, it’s happening around us all of the time. When a guy checks out a girl at the bar and thinks, “Mmm I could hit that”; that girl is looking right back at him thinking, “Oh I could TOTALLY fix that.” Doesn’t matter how you slice it, it’s most likely not going to end well but it’s definitely going to be one hell of a ride while it lasts.

Truly, there are some success stories. Mandy Moore illustrated a beautiful depiction of a girl branding her horse in ‘A Walk To Remember’. Sure, it may have killed her but still, I’m pretty sure that she left Landon way better than how she found him. That is simply all that we are looking for, to feel special enough to silently sway an asshole to change his ways for us. The fantasy is that he will start out as an asshole and allow us to guide him into the transformation of being a nice guy. See, it’s just one big heartbreaking full circle. Good luck, girls.

Image via the CW

Kelly Alto is a writer and comedian based in the LA area. If you’re interested in questioning her mental health a bit further, you can check out her blog that nobody asked for: ‘My Dishonest Truth’. You can also follow her on Twitter and Instagram @kelly_alto.


8 thoughts on “Psychology of Love: Why Girls Chase After Bad Boys

  1. Nah, sorry, you don’t get it. Women like a man who acts like a man. Nice guys act like wimps with women. They won’t hold eye contact, they slouch, they mumble, they supplicate, etc. If nice guys would act like men, they’d get more dates. I’m a natural and was a successful pickup artist decades ago before I was married, so I have what women want. I get hit on a lot and checked out a lot to this day by much younger women. I engage women all the time 1) by holding eye contact _and smiling_, 2) with conversation, 3) by dancing with them, etc. I don’t compliment women on their appearance.

    Women like dishonorable black knights because all the “nice guys” act like cowards instead of like honorable knights. Cowards don’t engage women by holding their gaze, talking with women as if the men are dominant, dancing with women, etc. Cowards supplicate women, compliment them inappropriately on their appearance (that’s for husbands), Cowards are afraid to smile at women and show that they find a woman attractive by their behavior. Women are attracted to men who show the ability to risk and not worry about the outcome.

    That ability to risk can be as simple as making an approach and beginning a conversation. It can be asking a woman to dance. I’ve done that many times and have been rejected many times, though generally women accept my offer to dance. Risking can include taking a woman’s hand or touching her arm or shoulder. It can include sexualizing the conversation. Risking includes teasing a woman.

    The counterpart of risky behavior is providing comfort. A man who engages a woman needs to create excitement and fun by engaging in risky behavior. The problem with that is that it almost always creates discomfort in the woman. She finds it attractive, but discomfort with it builds with time, so the man needs to intersperse his exciting, discomforting behavior with behavior that generates comfort. The man needs to learn how to read the woman. Is she fidgeting because she’s uncomfortable? Provide comfort. Does she seem bored? Add some excitement.

    Women like to be approached by exciting men who generate comfort. All the preceding discussion assumes that men engage women. Women therefore like to be engaged by a man.

    How do men provide comfort? Ask a woman an open-ended question about herself, her life, etc. Get a woman to talk at length about her favorite topic–herself. Not only will you provide comfort, but the woman will see you as more interesting the more she talks.


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