Good things come to those who wait: Why you shouldn’t settle in your 20’s.

As we get into our early to mid-twenties, ew gag me…I swear I was just sixteen yesterday, love becomes a more popular topic of conversation every day. It seems like I can’t go anywhere, family parties, work, the grocery store, hell I can’t even go to the bathroom in a public place without running into someone who is bound to ask that dreaded question, “so are you dating anyone.” My answer is always the same, “no, why would you date one person, when you could be dating five.” Then comes the awkward chuckle followed by the look, you know the look,  usually accompanied by the aw honey, you’ll find someone. Well…thank you? I know I’ll find someone, well duh, I’m fucking awesome. It’s not a matter of finding someone it’s a matter of finding the one.

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“Disney lied, there is no such thing as fairy tale love.” Well call me crazy, but I think this could be one of the dumbest quotes I’ve ever seen come across my Tumblr feed. Did Disney lie or are we just too anxious to take the next step to wait for the right person to come along?  I can honestly say I have truly had the heart in the pit of your stomach, butterflies every time you see them, absolutely crazy feeling, about one single person in my whole life…and guess what I was sixteen, and it lasted for all of maybe six months. Okay okay so maybe it still happens when I see him, but who’s here to judge? But I do know, or at least I think, that’s how you should feel when you’re in love.  I know  I’m not going to settle for anything less than that feeling again, and neither should you.

ev (1)Women are the most independent they have ever been in the history of society, think back even just twenty years ago, women in a business setting were almost unheard of. Girls these days go to college, get amazing jobs, can make up to six figures a year on their own, but they still feel that if they aren’t in a steady relationship that there is something wrong with them. In an age where the internet rules the world, I feel there is much more pressure now than there has ever been to get into a relationship. Every time I log on to my Facebook, I see another girl I went to high school with either engaged or pregnant. Mean while, I’m sitting here contemplating my next line to the sexy guy I just matched with on Tinder or fussing over which flavor of boxed wine to snag for Friday night’s pregame…and you know what? I am completely fine with that. We have our whole lives ahead of us to be tied down, why rush it?

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Our 20’s are meant to be our selfish years. How are you supposed to love someone else if you don’t even know who you are? The way I look at it, you are never going to be younger than you are at this very second in time, so why not take these years for what their worth? Drink too much, even if you have to go to work at 8 a.m. the next morning, a few cups of coffee and an adderall can cure the worst of hang overs. Spend money you don’t have, wake up in the morning to check your bank account and see you actually did spend $100.00 at the bar last night. Date the wrong guy, or maybe two or three of the wrong guys, so when the right one comes along, you know it. HOOK UP WITH THAT SEXY GUY THAT’S HITTING ON YOU!! Even if he is a stranger and you don’t remember his name the next morning. If nothing else, it will make for a funny joke for you and your friends….well maybe a few weeks later when you’re over the embarrassment of not only accidentally leaving your underwear in his room, but also texting him blacked out a few nights later when all your friends told you not to.

If there’s one thing that women in their 20’s don’t understand…WE ARE NOT OUR MOTHERS. Yes, maybe your mom at your age was married and pregnant with her first, or maybe even second child. Notice how the divorce rate in our parent’s generation is the highest it has ever been? And maybe you’re in the small portion of people whose parents are still together…don’t you want to wait for a love that will last that long? My point is, being 20-something is awesome, enjoy it. If you let society pressure you into a relationship because it’s “the right time” and not the right feeling, your relationship is going to end faster than Kim K and Humphries; And thanks to E! we all felt the pain of that one, no need to go through it again. 

Kaleigh is a sales rep, blogger, & boxed wine connoisseur. You can follow her daily struggles on twitter @itskalesbitches. 

Photo credits:
Featured image: fancybullshit.tumblr.com
Picture 1: slodive.com  Picture 2: life hack quotes  Picture 3: The Love Shop
The views and opinions expressed within this article are solely those of the contributor. These views and opinions are not representative of Unwritten.
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255 thoughts on “Good things come to those who wait: Why you shouldn’t settle in your 20’s.

  1. The posts here should serve as a warning to any man who thinks There can be a good end to getting married to an American or western European woman. The, selfish entitled nature of these beasts makes them
    unsuitable for any long term commitment. I sacrifice some of my own desires for the greater good of my family and future generations of my family but the idea of turning away from selfishness and hedonism is clearly alien to most modern women.

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    • a close friend from europe recently asked me if I had any dating advice for him. ‘yeah,’ i said, ‘don’t date any american girls… and if you do, ask them where they were born, where they grew up, and how long they lived there. then come check with me!’ truth is most of the ‘attractive’ american girls you will encounter (esp. in the colligiate system) have a high probability of being polluted, delusional, uncouth nut jobs. (and for the few diamonds in the rough, look around and be honest). dont let the rich family and the nice cloths fool you. these chicks are f*ked in the head. if you really want a western girl, go up to canada and meet a nice girl who grew up helping her papa chop wood and shovel snow. thats what i did.

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    • Yea except for it all depends on what you want at the end of the day. If at heart you’re a family person and want children, the older you grow the chances of healthy eggs are slim. I know a handful of 28-30 yr olds who just got married and ready for kids but are having issues. Also down the road, if you have kids… If you have them later chances are they leave later when you’re in your 60’s and too old to do much.

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    • Amazing post.

      I don’t think modern western women are even close to in touch with reality. The problem is, by the time they realize the actual truth, that slutting around is going to lead to a life of loneliness, it’s too late. They’re old and no one wants them.

      A man can easily find a great woman at 30 years old.

      A woman with a wretched past at 30? Not a chance.

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  2. Its 8am and I’m writing this as I get ready for work so apologies if it looks a little scewiff.. but I just had to get it off my chest! I would never usually comment so openly on a blog like this but some of these comments seem bloody ridiculous and have made my blood boil JUST a little… The readers are aware we are living in the 21st century yes?
    Not every young woman feels the need to conform to the to the “perfect” housewife or happy homemaker role.. and for those of you who look down on that opinion – Just No! I have so many close friends doing the marriage and baby thing and I couldn’t be happier for them (I have the most amazing little godson and currently in the midst of planning my best friend’s hen do!) but until I find someone who makes me want those things.. I’m not settling.. Or going looking for it!
    To the male chauvinistic arsecakes commenting.. How dare you ridicule the women who just want to enjoy life! You don’t know everyone’s story! Maybe some women won’t have babies because they can’t, Or some women won’t give themselves to a man because they have had a devastating experience in the past, Or maybe… They have the opportunity to have the most amazing career! The fact you’re commenting on this young girl’s blog with some medieval attitudes.. tells me you’re not really going to have the pick of the bunch anyway.
    I find it frustrating that so many girls on here in their late teens and early twenties are trying (And whole heartedly believing) that settling down with ‘Their man’ has completed their life after not even a year of dating… until you are walking down that aisle, carrying that baby and still walking on clouds with the carebears.. . I’m going to need some more facts huns.
    I was with a guy for about four years in my late teens… it was that kind of unhealthy head over heels..infact, head over anything kind of love! It ended very messy and only in the past year have we managed to bury the hatchet and find mutual respect for one another (9 years on). I also had my fairytale moment for a couple of years. Living with a guy in a beautiful cottage in the middle of the countryside.. We were best friends and for a while I believed soulmates.. It ended because we wanted to take different paths.. which would take us to different parts of the country! From the comments on this blog it would seem a number of you believe a woman’s dreams and strive for success should be put behind her man’s… Sorry but that’s awful and so 1950’s!
    I would never regret those relationships.. I have realised I need my independence and I have no interest in settling down in the near future.. I want to go travelling and experience what the world has to offer! However that doesn’t have to mean guys are off limits.. I just know my goals. Not every encounter has to be so serious.. I was recently seeing a guy who lived 200 miles away and we had some amazing weekends together. It’s easy to throw yourself into something light-hearted when you know nothing can really come of it because of the distance or future plans, but all the same it’s nice to have that close bond with someone, share interests and just be happy! Not everything has to have that relationship end game..
    Hopefully I don’t offend anyone with this next point.. Sex is not shameful!.. Done right! As long as you’re safe and nobody is getting hurt then it is quite literally the most natural things in the world.. We don’t just eat to stay alive.. we enjoy food! We don’t just exercise to keep our blood pumping.. We enjoy manipulating our bodies to look good! We don’t just have sex to pro-create… We enjoy the close contact of another human being. Everything in our current society sells sex… clothes, Music, Art etc.. So why is the act itself STILL seen as such a taboo subject; especially in terms of women! Personally like most shitty things in our country I believe it stems back to our level of education… but that’s for a different day. Also did anyone catch that argument on Big Brother this year between Dappy and Luisa? About the whole “If both a man and woman slept with 10 people…She’s a slag and he’s ‘The Man’” I nearly dived through my television and punched him straight in the throat.. I’m not delusional though.. I know the majority reading this would agree with him, I just wish it wasn’t the damn case. I know lots of women who enjoy the occasional fling, and it doesn’t make them any less of a person. In fact they all have decent jobs, caring, generous and kind outlooks on life and most importantly self-respect!
    And please…before you go screaming ‘Feminist’ or ‘Whore’ at me I can assure you my morals are still very much intact and my family and friends come before everything… I just feel now more than ever women can do most things men can! … Except pee standing up… (In most cases.)

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    • I just think, if my little sister was to read and agree to this article in 10 years, having sex with a load of random people, I would be fuming. I don’t think the point here is: ‘you have to settle down in your 20s, because that’s what people did in th 1950s’ I’m just saying, if someone in their 20s wants to be happy in a relationship, LET THEM BE!! Haha everyone is different, we have all had different experiences, I just don’t think that having sex (in my opinion) with men I do not know, is fun! I would rather be waking up next to my boyfriend, and yes, I’ve been with my boyfriend a year, less than your 9 year mark, but please, that does not mean I do not love him. He was my best friend for many years before this and still is, I would rather have this than a random one night stand, again that’s my preference an my opinion and I don’t think I should be told otherwise because someone’s preferences may be different. I have a friend that enjoys what this article condemns and I sit back and let her get on with it, that’s what she likes who am I to tell her no? Who are you to tell me I should not be with my boyfriend because I am ‘too young?’ This is my point, you can’t be right here, no one can… You can be judgmental but not right. And I’m rather angry that someone would actually mention that being with someone for a year means absolutely nothing haha so this whole year I should have been single? I think not, that’s not what I want and I think it’s a cheek for someone to actually tell me different who does not know me, good luck in your life, I hope you do find someone and that after your year mark in the relationship they laugh at you like it’s nothing and your just kids still

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  3. So she’s a slut with issues that she can’t see despite the fact that her issues continue to drive everyone away? Classic. She’ll hit 30, panic and then she’ll be forced to settle for one of the few guys that haven’t married yet. Or steal someone else’s husband. She’ll probably steal someone else’s husband. And then she’ll never trust him.

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  4. This is the biggest load of shit i have ever read. Im not even going to begin to explain why because i know it will be fruitless. Reassess your life. Don’t spend money you don’t have, thats why economy fails. If you can’t afford beer, sit at home and don’t drink it. Its not a necessary item.

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  5. Have you noticed that since the sexual revolution that the divorce rate has gone up? Maybe the hook up culture has something to do with that. Correlation does not equal causation, but it does leave many to wonder what history is telling us.

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    • History is exactly that, HISTORY. Move on. ‘Sexual revolution’?! When exactly was this? Because as far as I’ve read humans have been having sex for fun for centuries.

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    • Perhaps because, since the sexual revolution, women (and men, for that matter) are no longer obliged to stay in unsatisfactory, abusive and/or outdated relationships. What, in your opinion, is the actual harm in “hook up culture”?

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    • The sexual revolution happened more on televisions, films, literature and music than it did in every day life. The ‘hook up culture’ I suppose has always existed to some extent, no matter what people remember, though the result of being caught out has changed dramatically. Gone are the shotgun weddings, the forced back alley abortions, the shunning of young mothers or those believed promiscuous. The real revolution has been the freedom from judgement, condemnation, persecution and intolerance people receive from living their life as they wish.

      Freedom to divorce is part of this, and if the past tells us anything, it’s that we are all humans with natural desires, emotions and the ability to make both mistakes and decisions that result in great pleasure and joy, and that to condemn someone for what they want to do with their own body and life, to force unhappiness or lasting unhappiness upon them due to religious or societal views or to shun those who go against the status quo is simply outdated, a relic of darker times and belongs to be left to these times to gather much dust.

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  6. Those of you that are bagging this article for encouraging irresponsible behaviour need to lighten the fuck up. She’s not saying that we should all get drunk EVERY night and sleep with EVERY guy that shows us attention and spend ALL of our money on alcohol and drugs. She’s just saying that it’s ok to not have it all figured out in your twenties, and it’s fine to try different things, and make mistakes now and then, because that’s how we build character. Your twenties are about having experiences and learning who you are. If that means dating several people just for the fun of it, or spending all your money on travel instead of saving up to buy a house, then so be it. Those of you that married young and think that you found the ‘love of your life’ when you were 15 – I’m really happy for you and I truly hope that works out for you. But if the worst happens and you’re 35, divorced and alone, as well as having wasted your twenties because you were so committed to making the ‘love of your life’ happy – don’t be bitter. You made that choice and you judged the people didn’t. And those people will be in their thirties, successful and happy – whether they’re married or not – because they know who they are and have no regrets. They lived their lives to make themselves happy, not to make others happy.

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    • A person’s (man or woman) reputation is crucial. This article completely disregards the importance of a woman’s reputation; whether it be in relationships or the work place. This is particularly crucial in this current garbage economy. I couldn’t think of worse advice to give to a young girl.

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      • If you mean previous sexual history by “reputation”, it is utterly wrong that it ought to be relevant to current relationships.

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  7. Very misleading article. Of course you should never settle. However, suggesting that the alternative to “settling” is becoming a low-class skank that will likely never be taken seriously in relationships or in the work place is awful advice. Never surrender your class.

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      • Sleeping around, spending money you dont have, “blacking out,” and relying on drugs to cure hangovers, ect. I think that just about sums up a low-class skank IMO.

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      • haha interesting take on a slut Tom…….
        ‘Spending money you don’t have’ – im sorry, how does this make somebody a slut? If so, i got really slutty at the supermarket yesterday when i bought my food for the week with money i dont have because im helping my parents get out of some debt.
        Sleeping around – this was something you assumed – however, if she wants to sleep around, why cant she? and why does she get labelled for doing so? Same with men… why do they get called players because they do what they want to. Im so sick of people these days feeling like they are above and beyond everybody else because that person doesnt have the same opinion or lifestyle as them, its just so negative and not a nice way to live ‘IMO’.
        Blacking out – Could see how you might relate this to alcoholism or somebody having too much fun on a night out…. but slut is what comes to mind for you? okay.
        Relying on drugs to cure hangovers = slut…. okay good, im glad ive found this blog, other peoples views are very insightful.

        For the record, you sound like a controlling pig Tom but the truth is, somebody will love you for that… just like somebody will like this chick for being who she is. So whats the point in your negative opinion in all of this? How are her ‘slutty’ acts changing your life?

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    • Dahs nonsense .. not cus u settle you becone poor or it affects your class.. if u don’t intended on having a family dis blog is for such peole ..

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  8. I bet this broad would drop all her slutty ways if for a second a decent guy would consider her. But that won’t happen. How can this girl be so against love. This is too extreme of an article there is a balance between marrying too young and being a slut . This is a sad desperate article to reassure herself

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    • Victoria,

      Just wanted to check in and see if you actually read the same article as me? Where exactly did she say she would say no to a decent guy who walks into her life? Maybe i missed it this part…?

      I don’t think she’s against love in the slightest, I feel like shes promoting the fact that its OKAY to be single if you haven’t found the right guy yet.

      And last but not least, WHY oh WHY would a female feel its okay to call another female a ‘slut’ because she mentions the term ‘hook up’?

      This reply will probably mean nothing to you Victoria because you’ll go into defensive mode but it sounds to me like you need some reassurance for a current relationship you’re unsure about.

      Good luck if that ever goes down the shitter and you are forced to become a ‘slut’ who may choose hook up with a random guy you like whilst you’re single.

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      • Victoria stated no decent guy would take her seriously because no decent guy WOULD take someone like her seriously. I’m mean come on! If you met a seemingly perfect, handsome guy but found out he was jumping from woman to woman and was a player would YOU date him? If you would even for a second consider dating someone like that then obviously YOU need to reassess yourself too.

        Obviously the person who wrote this isn’t against love consciously, but imo if you’ve dated 20+ people and haven’t found the “one” yet you most likely never will, Why? Because humans aren’t that unique. Your either dating the wrong kinds of people, aren’t even looking, or just straight up ignoring the people who are right for you. If you keep hopping from dick to dick, hoping your knight in shinning armor will rescue you from your own commitment issues then you can think again, because you should know how most men (and anyone with common sense for that matter) see this kind of behavior as? They see it as a red flag.

        Victoria is right, there needs to be a balance. No one is saying you should settle down early or even settle but going around slutting it up isn’t a good idea either (besides the obvious fact that no one would take you seriously if they found out about your behavior) you’d be seen as a child, and no matter how often you use protection you’re still at a very high risk for STD’s. See? Red flag.

        Just come on people! Use some common sense! You can live your life however you want to, just don’t be surprised when there’s consequences to it.

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      • WHY does he get a ‘player’ label? Because he’s not meeting 1 girl at a time and fending the other off until he knows whether or not the current one is somebody he would like to be with or not? Maybe in your world, dating = sex but i wouldn’t agree… maybe thats why i’m taking all of this wrong.

        Hopping from dick to dick… honestly, where did you pull that from? You’re disgusting.

        So from what you have said, to find Mr Right…..Your advice is to meet just one person at a time and no sex until you know they are the one (aka dont hop from dick to dick)?

        Thanks for the insight.

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  9. i must say this whole post seems like it was written by a child. your twenties are just your twenties, nothing more, nothing less. there is nothing special to do or not do. dont sleep around and get wasted if you dont want to just because the internet tells you. in my eyes what you do now will take effect in the rest of your life. live fast DIE YOUNG the moto goes. set yourself up now for a good life that you dont need to run away from, then youll be happy

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  10. Nice article! I am 27 (male), and have no desire to be in a relationship right now. If ones comes along? Great! But if not I will gladly spend the rest of my 20s still ‘growing up’. Too much emphasis is put on settling down. There is no right way to live your life. If you happen to meet someone and get married, a house etc. when your 21 then cool. If you do the same when your 41, cool. If you don’t do any of that at all, cool.

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  11. girls like this are simply not attractive, they will struggle finding the one if they act like this, enjoy life, but have some respect for yourselves!

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  12. Pingback: The truth about “the one” | This.Is.Anna

  13. What a crock of sh** … this article is purely a woman in her late 20’s trying to justify to her mother why she isn’t pregnant – I know plenty if people in their teens, twenties and thirties who are all expecting children and are happily married, in a relationship or single and going it alone. Each one of them is happy in their choices, don’t preach!!!!!

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  14. I don’t understand how people can mis-read the post so badly. She is clearly trying to say that society makes women in their mid to late twenties feel incomplete if they are not in a relationship. Relationships aren’t everything. Why should society make a confident, hard-working, successful and independent woman feel inadequate because she hasn’t found the “one”. I believe that the issue of today is that whilst women have pushed themselves forward with their careers and strived for more, men have been far too happy to take a back seat. We are aiming for equality not role reversal! Or maybe modern-day men just feel inferior to successful women. I for one agree totally with this post. I will not seek out the “one” nor am I against love. I will be open to it when it comes along but I won’t spend the next 10 years feeling like I’m less of a person for being perfectly happy on my own.

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  15. I disagree with the idea that being with someone in your 20’s means you are ‘settling’ and you’ve chosen the 1st man to pay you attention. If someone makes your heart pound, is there for you no matter what, is your best friend and you fancy the pants off them, then it doesn’t matter if you commit at 21, 41 or 61. Do what is right for you, whether that be being single, loved up or playing the field. There is no one ‘right’ way to be a woman and there is no one ‘right’ way to spend your 20’s. Do what makes you happy and don’t follow internet advice if it doesn’t make you feel comfortable.

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  16. I completely disagree with everything written here. Being promiscuous is not living your life, its cutting it short with all the alcohol your poisoning your body with and not to mention STDs… Good things do come to those who wait. I waited until I was 15 before I had my first boyfriend, weve been together 4 years and were expecting our first child in august. Weve almost broken up at least a thousand times but weve worked it out because its worth the fight! Im not saying I was planning on becoming a mom so soon, i wanted to go to school and travel but Ive always had to kind of grow up fast so its not a big issue (abortion is not an option). Your teenaged years are the ones for goofing off and partying not your 20s, you should be getting your finances in order and start thinking about getting your own house. I mean Im only 19 my bf is 21 and weve had to grow up quickly our whole lives. That being said we own our house, our vehicles, and we have absolutely no debt. You can acheive this too, but not by spending money you dont have, or sleeping with 5 guys at a time or drinking all the time thats how you end up living with your parents again because you cant afford rent… If you have kids by lets say your mid 30s, your eggs arent as fresh, your skin doesnt bounce back as quickly, its more stress on your body. after 38 your chances for problems during and after pregnancy go up dramatically… Do you really want to be 65, and still sending your kids off to college?
    This person even wrote at the begining just yesterday they where 16, now imagine how fast your 20s will go by… when your a teen u dont have anything to worry about really, but the stresses of adulthood will deffinetly make the time go by much faster than you realize…and what good is all this fucking around doing? your not making history your just some hole for a guy to stick his dick in because he knows your DTF after a night of drinking, and he probably knows he can get some free drinks out of you too. Dont degrade yourselves like this article is telling you to, your more than this ladies. Also DONT MAKE OUT WITH THAT STRANGER HERPES IS AN INCURABLE DISEASE!

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  17. Why does it have to always be settle vs enjoy-your-youth? Why cant you have both? I’m 27 and have been with my husband for 10yrs, we’re very lucky to find each other at college and still be very much in love. During these 10yrs i have done two degrees, become a manager in my career, gone travelling, done festivals, drinking all that stuff that according to this blog can only be done when single. I have a baby at 26. I still see my friends and have just graduated from an MA and I’m working! If you’re in the right relationship your life shouldn’t change to suit that man, that man should be your best friend and you’ll do all those wonderful things together, and trust each other to do things apart too. We lived at the other end of the country for 3 yrs to do our own uni experience – if you’re meant to be you shouldn’t have to adjust your life to suit eachither – this is why relationships break down!!!!

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  18. Funny that a lot of the negative views are expressed by MALES!

    I totally agree with this article. Being single has enabled me to travel, meet new friends far and wide, take on opportunities that I would have never done whilst in a relationship and so on! Being single even affected my studies! Whilst in a relationship I wasn’t achieving as well as I could have been – since being single, I’ve put in 110% with my studies and my grades have shot up.

    Be realistic. Relationships don’t stop you doing things, but they sure enough limit you, because you want to do things whilst staying insight of the person you love, meaning you can’t travel and explore far and wide without having to compromise with the other persons lifestyle to – of course there is nothing wrong with that, but I am sure enough happy with what I am doing with my life right now whilst single and when the time comes later in life, I will hopefully meet a guy and move onto the next chapter in my life when I am ready.

    Oh and lastly – being in your 20’s isn’t just the same as being in your 30’s and 40’s – because as I’ve heard, later in life, you begin to lose your drive to be adventurous, so being in your 20’s is of course a unique time!

    This article is brilliant and I think it’s the best advice 🙂

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  19. As a 20 year old female myself, I completely understand your point of view and I am incredibly happy that you have found joy in life’s little things – I wouldn’t look down on your choices and way of life even for a second.

    However, as a 20 year old female who has been head over heels in love with my partner for the past 4 years, I must contest that you shouldn’t judge the people around you for finding the people they want to spend the rest of their lives with at an “early” age. For me, my joy is coming home from work to my partner and having a glass of wine with him and watching a movie, then curling up in bed with him every night. I don’t want to get drunk, spend money I don’t have or kiss strangers to have fun – and this doesn’t make me boring, or stupid for settling down at my age.

    I look at my friends and I see that they enjoy doing those things and I pass no judgement – but for you to publish an article and seem young females who have found love as idiots who don’t know themselves yet is not right or fair.

    I’m happy, settled, 20 and a female and I pray that this doesn’t change for the rest of my life. I’ve done the things your doing now, it was fun yes – but have found and gotten to know myself better through my relationship and would go as far as saying I’m a better person now than I was beforehand.

    I really do wish you well and am not putting you down in anyway, I just ask that you don’t stereotype every 20-something female into such a generalised and false category.

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  20. To be honest, I don’t think the real pressure is to be settling down. It’s pretty much gone the other way. If you are in a serious relationship in your twenties then society makes you feel guilty for it, and that you should be sleeping around and making mistakes. But what if you’ve found the person you love and can imagine being with for the rest of your life? You shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for wanting to be with them. People have even said to me that my boyfriend and I should ‘go on a break’ so I can sleep around and not miss out, which I am astounded by. Why give up on something which makes you happy and could do for the rest of your life for something meaningless?

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  21. As a Mom I would say talk to your parents and ask their advice. Please! They may seem prim and proper, out of touch and boring but the majority have been there and done it and screwed up but they have experience and offer unconditional love with the genuine intention of guiding and protecting you. If my daughter told me her intentions as per this blog I’d be worried, as there’s a blurry line that can lead a hurt heart (which is why alot of young women adopt this frivolous attitude) to a horrible place. Yes flirt, play and do all those things that make you feel happy to be alive but remember that some men will take advantage of you and if they know you have this care free attitude you will attract the really wrong type no matter how good looking they may be it really is what’s on the inside (sorry to sound so clichéd). I’m not saying don’t have fun but start to understand what you really want and like in people of both sexes, not just as sexual partners but as friends. Get to know your “type of crowd”, there’s a good chance you’ll meet lots of great people by mingling with those you share things with – including ethics. You don’t have to have kids or get married, this is old fashioned stigma. Just be happy and be safe. If you want to get into a more serious relationship than do so when it feels right – we all make mistakes but do what your heart is telling you as mistakes make you the person you are. My worry is that if you spend your 20’s selfishly without consideration as to consequences you’ll accumulate too much baggage and this can damage you more than you realise… You can develop trust issues, sexual issues/anxieties, money issues, personality quirks (that aren’t attractive). There’s also the harsh reality that many of the true good guys do settle and get married in their 20’s and early 30’s. If you’re still dating in your late 30’s and early 40’s you’ll realise that more and more but the end goal shouldn’t be to get married for the sake of it – think about what you really want out of life! There’s a notion that having some sort of plan is weird but I think living without any care for the future is dangerous – somewhere in the middle is the right balance.

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  22. I just can’t agree with this article.

    I understand the author’s need to justify the lifestyle she has chosen in a society like ours, but I really don’t see the need to bash those women who have found happiness in a relationship in their twenties.

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for over five years, and I’ve never been happier, and I’m only 23! Do I still do a lot of things that single girls do like go out and party with my friends? Of course!

    Getting married or being in a relationship doesn’t mean you have to stop living your life.

    Humans crave companionship, and some people are just more inclined to stay with the same companion while others are happier to change it up.

    No need to rag on the non-single girls just because you don’t believe in someone else’s lifestyle. Drop the hypocritical act.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. I agree that people shouldn’t settle for less than what they want out of life, but I would just like to add that being in a long-term relationship doesn’t stop you from ‘finding yourself’. Even if you’re pretty sure you want to be with that person for a very long time, it doesn’t mean you want to settle down straight away (start a family and get married) you can still ‘enjoy your 20s’, travel and have lots of fun, whether it’s with your partner or without. I think that if you’re lucky enough to find someone you want to stay with, then you should be selfish together and spend these years enjoying life and being young.

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  24. Thank goodness our society has progressed to allow women the right to an education, the right to vote, the right to choose who we enter into a relationship with, the right to earn money and build a career. (Let’s remember that this is not something that all women have access to globally).
    But let’s not degrade ourselves by thinking that certificates, high powered jobs and flash cars are enough to truly make us happy.
    Kayleigh says “Our 20′s are meant to be our selfish years”. The fact is, whether we’re in our twenties or our seventies, introverts or extroverts, men or women, we are all inherently selfish. We’re all out to get what’s best for ME, right now. Yes, we all have lapses when we do our ‘good deed for the day’, but 90% of the time, it’s all about serving ourselves.
    The trouble is, whether we’re in our twenties or our seventies, introverts or extroverts, men or women, we all crave the intimacy of being truly known by another human being. Be that in the deepest of friendships or the most idyllic of marriages. But being in that deep intimate relationship means that you have to let another person see all your selfish baggage, all the rubbish you cart around every day that normally you mask over. Sometimes we mask our selfishness with giving to charity, sometimes we mask it with humour, sometimes we don’t mask it at all, we just put it down to “being in our twenties”. But the day you turn 30, you’ll be just as selfish, with just as much baggage. Probably more.
    On the day I married my husband, we didn’t promise to have butterflies in our bellies every time we saw each other. We didn’t promise to have sex every night. We didn’t promise to stick around as long as it suited us.
    We promised to reveal just how selfish we both are. We promised to annoy the heck out of each other. We even promised to make each other sad once in a while. But we also promised to stay and love the other person for as long as we live, no matter how selfish we reveal ourselves to be.
    I am KNOWN! Yes, I’m known for not cleaning the bathroom and being too quick to get angry when confronted….but I’m known! And that gives me the greatest feeling I could ever ask for in my twenties or my seventies. It’s not the butterflies in the belly feeling. But it is the deepest love which is only ever getting deeper.
    If that’s “settling”, then I’ll take it.

    Liked by 1 person

  25. I think equilibrium is the key to live our life to the fullest. I’m an entrepreneur, i work hard to build my future because I want to be able to afford a good life when I turn 30, but I also enjoy life and go out with friends. It would be stupid to live a crazy irresponsible life now because I wouldn’t be able to accomplish my goals by 30. I consider myself an independent woman where the sky is the limit, but I also enjoy a healthy relationship. If I ever get single, that wont be the end of my days and I won’t sleep with every man that comes across when I go out either, as I have I deep respect for myself. I definitely don’t think of marriage or babies now as I need a good economic support to sustain a family, so those thoughts will come back in my 30s. I’m not saying you have to think like me, but being a powerful and independent woman doesn’t mean you should take your life to an extreme. Experiencing is awesome, but be also cautious. Otherwise, you may end up as some girls from my school who misinterpreted the meaning of living live to the fullest and had their first child as teenagers and now depend on their parents to survive.

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  26. Some of the arguments on here are so moronic. People are talking about it like some men don’t do the exact same thing! Some women don’t want to live like this fine. Some men don’t want to either. But plenty of men and women (shock horror) do want to live like this, explore and experience. This article really speaks to me because I’m in my 20s and plan to spend these years travelling therefore I rarely spend more than a year in any one place. So just because I like the company of a guy or two knowing that unless they turn out to be my soulmate there’s little chance of it becoming anything substantial I’m a slut?? People need to get down off their high horses and let people be. Personally, my goal is to be happy in myself and invest time getting to know different types of people. I don’t want to settle down and have kids anywhere in the near future but why the hell am I going to judge other people that do it?? What has it got to do with me at all?? And what has how people live their lives have anything to do with you?? Pipe down.

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  27. There’s alot of different views here. The main thing people keep saying is “being happy”. You can be happy with what ever outcome life has given you. It’s more or less up to you. I have been with my partner for 6 years and have a 4 year old son. I’m 24. I didn’t settle with her because fact is I could walk away any time I wanted to(I would most likely have to pay child support) but I haven’t and she is smart enough to leave me if she wanted to. Since having a son I have become more driven with work and will hopefully get my dream job in the police as part of the firearm unit and my partner is working in her career as a paramedic. Something she has always wanted. “Settling” at 20 might be a bad move in your books but for me I found the one I wish to spend my life with I didn’t need to be a man slag to know iv found the right girl and I wouldn’t look for a girl who has been with alot of guys because she’s ment to spend her 20s being youthful lol a woman having kids after the age of 35 is a big no no for me because you won’t see you grandchildren grow up( if I had kids at 35 then my child had a kid at 35 it would give me 10 years if I’m lucky to spend quality time with them) but just because this is not what I would do does not mean its wrong for every one. Just be happy and don’t have regrets, make mistakes you learn from them but Gain nothing from a regret.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Terrible article, you’re just making an excuse for people to throw years of their life away. No part of your life is “supposed to be your selfish years”. Even if you were being selfish it wouldn’t be an excuse to go out drinking stupid amounts, hooking up with anyone that hits on you and putting your health at risk in the process because if you were being selfish you would at least look after yourself.
    One thing you did get right is that life is short. So make these years count instead of wasting them doing something that is totally useless to you even the following day, nevermind in later life. In fact make these hours count, make these minutes count and make these seconds count because you have less of them left now than you did when you started reading this.
    “No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any” – Thomas Jefferson

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Good grief there are a lot of opinionated people commenting on this post. Every single one of us will die. We don’t know when or in what circumstances but it will happen. Not only are we destined for the grave, but along the way we will suffer. We will lose people we love, and feel loss and grief in other forms as well.
    Do you proclaim to know the meaning of life? How to live a fulfilled, happy existence? No, you don’t. No more than I do.
    My point is this. We all start and end at the same point (birth to death) the path from one to the other is varied. As we walk our own paths we will be influenced by our circumstances, our culture, our family and other influences, including basic physiology. Most of us will make an effort to improve ourselves and add to society in some way. Whether or not we procreate in an overpopulated world, share our path with another person, dedicate ourselves to another person, or throw ourselves into another pursuit… these are all choices available to us, man or woman, in this part of the world, at this time in history.
    People, embrace your short time on this planet and do what makes you happy. If you are not happy, work on it or change it don’t get all angry and negative, it does no good for anyone…. and for the love of God stop telling other people what they should be.

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  30. Okay….whoever the hell wrote this has obviously had some bad experiences and is jealous of anyone and everyone is who 20-something and in a relationship/engaged. I don’t see why a amateur writer like this thinks they can dictate whether or not its ‘right’ to settle down at my age. Why the hell is someone like this writer, (someone who also sounds quite childish) telling us we should not be settling down or getting into a relationship in your 20’s. This is the most stupid, immature, ‘advice’ I have ever read. Why is this person pointing her accusatory finger at people who are my age with kids, or who are engaged/settling down. I honestly don’t understand this woman’s problem – maybe someone else have a read? I think this is utter bullshit. Someone’s OPINION is NOT fact.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Exactly. Just do it — don’t worry about consequences people. Go have sex and hook up. If you get pregnant don’t worry the government will take care of you. STDs? Everyone has them nowadays anyways, you’re not in unless you have one.

    JEEZ.. lol… I am SO awesome… like SO awesome haha.

    – Epitome of the American 20s Female

    there are some of you out there who are good, you know who you are 😉 not hating on you ladies.

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  32. I’m 21, I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years and we live together and I still wake up loving him more than anything in the world.. Maybe you need to look at yourself a bit and think about whether being selfish is a good idea. My relationship would not work if I was selfish, my best friend is a very selfish person, and she hasn’t been in a relationship longer than 2 months, and its because shes selfish and doesn’t put anyone else first.

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  33. You made some valid points, and as an early twenty-something year old woman I agree that you should not settle, that you shouldn’t stop yourself from doing what you want because of pressures from society or from your family. However, I have some fundamental issues with this article, beyond the fact it was childish.

    It sounds like YOU are settling. Respect yourself, first and foremost. Your time, your body, your responsibilities. You’re not at university forever, you’re going to need to prioritize at some point so you don’t wake up and find yourself settling for a version of yourself that you aren’t happy living with. The YOLO mentality only works when long term you is happy and healthy too.

    Secondly, a relationship, the RIGHT relationship, is supposed to set you free, not trap you. They’re your partner, your best friend, your biggest fan, they lift you up and want to fly with you. And equally, you want to do all the same for them. I don’t understand how relationships can be seen as so value-less when we’re at the peak of individuality, honesty, and self-expression. If you’re with someone who is trying to control you or cage you up, obviously do not stay with them. However being yourself is not equivalent to being selfish, because being yourself says “I am who I am, and I’m proud of it” and being selfish turns a positive into a negative, attaching a hostile “fuck you, I’m only interested in doing what I want.”

    Thirdly, if you’re viewing your friends who have made the choice to BE WITH another person permanently, it is not your place to judge that just because they’ve decided to be together means they’ve settled. It’s the same backwards ass mentality that targets single women in their thirties as “old maids”, only the opposite. It is attacking a woman for her choices which I don’t think your article intended on doing.

    I do think that maybe you’ll choose to evolve out of this black or white hodgepodge of emotion, and hopefully find your best self when you do.

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  34. I just broke up with my fiancee who cheated on me last week and told me about it a few days ago. All of the signs were there that she was, and this is in her own words “a player” , but I was 22 when we met and very naive (shes 28 now). It was obvious her friends knew her as a woman who freely slept around before me. She asked for me to forgive her but obviously that’s not an option (she broke up with her ex before me because she cheated). I’m a good looking guy, very fit and healthy, and I can promise you I do not even want to have anything to do with other girls when Im in a relationship. Now after my experience and im a bit older and wiser…I am never ever going to even consider chancing it with these types of girls again. If she sleeps with me on the first night or is overly flirty, wears high skirts/provocative clothing all im going to think is jeez what a skank ! And judging by this article I would 100% not take this woman seriously at all. So please girls and women, have a bit of respect for your selves, because us good guys genuinely do have respect for ourselves as well and appreciate it in return…bit of romance goes a long way…not some bloody g-string belt skirt whore haha.

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    • Sorry about your experience, Jeremy, you seem to be a quality guy. Better luck with the next girl. Guys are starting to talk about using polygraphs before committing to a relationship. You might consider that if there are serious questions about a woman’s past. If a woman is really serious about a relationship and doesn’t have a past, I don’t see why she would object to taking a polygraph.

      And yes, probably most young American women are skanks. You might want to look overseas.

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  35. I have a lovely husband – we ran away together at 22 and 23 – we couldn’t be bothered with explaining to everyone, having a massive wedding, etc. – nobody knows we’re married except for our families. We’ll deal with the public side of things when we want to. We are so in love, but hey – maybe it’s not for everyone. I’m a firm believer in “when you know, you know.” We had fun, we partied, but most of all WE STILL DO. Here’s to having FUN, being loved, loving in return, partying AND enjoying the BEST years of my life with someone I will be able to remember everything with.

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  36. Finding the right guy can happen at any age and me and my boyfriend have always said ‘until you’re on your deathbed how can you ever say, yes he/she was the one?’ I’m 21 and live with my boyfriend but I still do all the things I wanted to do. I’m going to America for 2 months without him this summer, I go out with my friends and drink too much before going to work the next morning. If you’re in a relationship and you can’t do those things, that’s where the problems are. A man or woman can hold you back at any age in your life and if someone is then it’s time to move on, whether you’re 20 or 60, you should still be living your life the way you imagined.

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  37. Guys don’t want to settle down with a slut in a long term relationship. Women don’t care so much. Some guys will settle for a slut, it’s true, but they are usually guys who are unattractive and have few options.

    If most women become sluts, then guys will not have good options. That’s why guys care about sluttiness in general.

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  38. haha laughing so hard right now at all these chicks so pressed to find a man. Get hip with the times- the double standard doesn’t exist anymore. I feel sorry for your lame asses who cant get laid you guys are all probably clingy as fuck, emotional “omg please marry me” conservative long haired pussy no shaven legs who sit around home on a Friday night as you await a text from a guy you’re seeing who’s probably fucking someone else at the moment cause your ass is too damn prude

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