Even Your Bathroom Knows You’re Single

Think you’re keeping it a secret that you’re single? Here’s what your bathroom has to say about that:

This is DEFINITELY not your bathroom.

This is DEFINITELY not your bathroom.

The toilet seat is always down. In other words, there’s never anyone in there who would need to lift it. The last time a guy picked up the toilet seat is about the same time you last lifted the toilet seat to clean it…

Yep. That looks about right.

Yep. That looks about right.

Your razors aren’t even near the shower. What?! It’s winter! If nobody is going to feel your legs, there is no reason to shave them… right?

They're probably in there somewhere... By the time summer rolls around you'll have found them.

They’re probably in there somewhere… By the time summer rolls around you’ll have found them.

Your tweezers/pore strips/acne cream are all over the counter. Because if anyone you were trying to impress was going to be in there, they’d be well-hidden. They can keep thinking that you just wake up looking that sexy.

Ever since this happened to Mia, you've been afraid of having to rip one of these off when your crush arrives.

Ever since this happened to Mia, you’ve been afraid of having to rip one of these off when your crush arrives.

Only one of your towels is in the bathroom. If anyone else were using that bathroom with you, we’d like to hope there would be another towel in there.

Yep. Just the one. Your other one is folded up in your room. Right where it should be.

Yep. Just the one. Your other one is folded up in your room. Right where it should be.

Your lipstick is actually used. Because there’s approximately a zero percent chance of it rubbing off anywhere (except maybe on your food…).

Yeah, this definitely isn't gonna happen.

Yeah, this definitely isn’t gonna happen.

All your condoms are in the bathroom. Basically, they’re not in your bedroom, which is where they would be if you were getting any action. Or even hoping to be getting any action.

You have, like, 3000 condoms you've gotten for free from school. You've used 0.

You have, like, 3000 condoms you’ve gotten for free from school. You’ve used 0.

Your retainer case is open. You’re probably even wearing it. And since retainers are the opposite of sexy, you clearly aren’t expecting any sexytime to be happening soon.

This googled image is nowhere near accurate. It is not possible to look happy and non-slobbery with a retainer in.

This googled image is nowhere near accurate. It is not possible to look happy and non-slobbery with a retainer in.

Your tampons are out in the open. Because, let’s be real, most boys are terrified of tampons. So you might put them somewhere else if you thought any boys might see them. Seeing as they’re not, the tampons can have free rein over the bathroom.

They're just like any other bathroom product! (And, as Channing Tatum can tell you, they're great for nosebleeds).

They’re just like any other bathroom product! (And, as Channing Tatum can tell you, they’re great for nosebleeds).

You forgot to take your birth control. Again. Oops. Oh well.

Today is Saturday. Shit.

Today is Saturday. Shit.

(this article originally posted on sometimesiweartiaras.wordpress.com)

Ileana Paules-Bronet is a junior at Skidmore College who is trying to figure out what to do with her life. She writes for Her Campus, College Fashion, and her own blog, sometimesiweartiaras.wordpress.com. She hopes to share her daily drama, her style sense, and her love of ice cream with anyone out there who is willing to read.

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One thought on “Even Your Bathroom Knows You’re Single

  1. Pingback: New Book Release: The Gluten-Free Revolution | JonsTechInfo

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