No one is honest 100% of the time. There’s just something so appealing about bending the truth in a conversation. Unlike guys, girls can lie with a perfected poise that it can sometimes be hard to decipher the meaning behind our innocent white lies, which is why I decided to share with everyone, as a fellow female, the hidden meaning of our most popular lies.
Possibly the most popular lie a girl can ever tell to anyone. Whether it be to her boyfriend/girlfriend, parents, or roommates, whenever a girl says she’s fine, it most likely means quite the opposite. Gentleman, whenever you hear your girlfriend say that she is fine, just shut up and say sorry for what you probably did wrong and get her a Snickers bar ASAP. Girls, whenever you hear a fellow female say that she is fine, get her a Snickers bar and a glass of Franzia ASAP, and while you’re at it, turn on The Notebook.
“I don’t even like him”
In the Webster’s Dictionary of Female Specific Phrases, this directly translates into “I love him and want him to be the father of my future children.” Even though girls are perceived to be more willing to share their feelings, we still don’t want to outwardly admit that we’re crushing on our SnapChat best friend.
“I love her to pieces, but . . .”
Even though the word ‘love’ is used in this phrase, it actually means that you hate the girl you are referring to with a passion stronger than the hate for your 8 am Friday class. Saying this before the ‘but’ is just an excuse for a girl to shit on another girl without sounding like a complete bitch. Sadly, I’m guilty for this one ladies. If you ever hear me saying that about you, just know that we really aren’t friends.
“I didn’t even have that much to drink last night”
We’ve all been there that Sunday morning eating brunch at The Bagel Place with our friend sitting across the table saying that the twelve Jaeger Bombs she had last night were not responsible for her reckless behavior. She says, “I wasn’t drunk at all,” in her throaty, hung-over voice. But as a good friend, you just nod your head up and down, but internally say, “Riiiight. So you danced on the table barefoot, made-out with that mildly attractive Ginger, and drunk called your grandma completely sober?”
“OMG YOU LOOK SO CUTE”
This can mean one of two things. First, it can mean that you are crazy jealous of how your friend looks in her outfit. If not the first one, then it means your friend looks like a hung-over version of Ke$ha, and you don’t have the heart to tell her. If you truly want to know how good you look, keep a lookout for a silent resting bitch face, which means your fellow ladies hate you so much because you so look so good.
“I never eat junk food”
False. No matter how much quinoa and kale you claim to have in your fridge, no other hamburger-eating girl will believe you. We all know about your secret stash of Cheetos you have in the back of your pantry.
Now all you Honest Abes out there don’t get your panties in a bunch because I made a general statement that all girls lie. I’m simply writing from my experience as a sometime white-lie telling female. For you ladies, who are like me, comment below with some white lies you tell from time-to-time!
Maggie Cassidy is a sophomore pursuing a degree in English Literature at the University of Maryland, College Park. When she’s not blogging for Unwritten, Maggie can be found trying to combine the personalities of: Tina Fey, Beyoncé, Kate Middleton, and Anna Wintour into one fierce female persona.