Another questionable e-mail leaked from a Greek social chair. *sigh* Is it really just to get attention at this point? This week’s star is the Phi Kappa Tau social chair at Georgia Tech. In Rebecca Martinson style he attempted to provide a “How to Guide on Hooking Up with Girls”, but with a little less “cunt punt” and a little more “rapebait”. Based on how difficult it appears to be to hook up with girls, we sought out to see what a fellow Greek life fraternity brother (we’ll call him Adam) and sorority sister (we’ll call her Sarah) thought about this “solid” advice.
1) “ALWAYS START WITH THE MAKING OUT!!!! NO RAPING.”
Adam: Does “no raping” really need to be clarified? I didn’t realize this was addressed to Pike.
Sarah: Any time you have to remind someone that rape is inappropriate, it’s a little disconcerting. It’s like saying you should set an alarm that blares from your iPhone every night at 12:30 a.m. reminding you not to do anything rapey tonight.
2) “Here is how to dance: Grab them on the hips with your 2 hands and then let them grind against your dick. After that slowly alternate between just putting your hand across their stomach, but make sure don’t to go to high (keep it under the boob) or too low(dont try to finger her… yet)”
Adam: Why are you condoning rubbing your hands across their stomachs but not in one of the two target areas? Do they have a stomachache you’re trying to relieve or something?
Sarah: What are you doing rubbing my stomach? You are either trying to indicate that my fat is bulging out or I’m pregnant, either way it’s not a turn on.
3) “ALWAYS USE YOUR HANDS OR ARMS TO GUIDE THEIR DANCING in order to maximize your pleasure. If she starts putting her hair over her ear, THAT MEANS SHE WANTS A KISS. Therefore, try to give her a kiss on the cheek. They usually like that and nothing really should ebcome of it. In the case, go for the neck kiss.”
Adam: “Maximize your pleasure?” Sounds like our bro has watched a few too many Trojan commercials.
Sarah: If a girl is pushing her neck into your face, she probs wants it. But moving her hair away does not mean that. Let’s get something straight, dancing is dancing and sex is sex.
4) “A short guide consist of the 7 E’s of HOOKING UP! 1. Encounter (spot a girl or group of girls) 2. Engage (go up and talk to them) 3. Escalate (ask them to dance, or ask them to go up to your room or find a couch, depending on what kind of party) 4. Erection (GET HARD) 5. Excavate (should be self-explanatory) 6. Ejaculate (should also be self explanatory) 7. Expung (send them out of your room and on their way out when you are finished.”
Adam: The fact that “excavate” is self explanatory but “erection” and “engage” need explanation makes me question the audience of this article.
Sarah: I’m confused, are your bros so helpless that they need to know at what point in the night they should be having an erection? Where was middle school health class when they needed it?
To the men of ΦKT, your social chair’s final message is to “SUCCEED”! Unfortunately, following this toolbag’s advice will leave your socials feeling emptier than Kim Kardashian’s vagina post pregnancy. At the end of the day the members of Greek life who send out these emails just want their fraternity or sorority to be fantastic at socializing with the opposite sex. However, this fraternity went too far and touched on a bad subject. In an attempt to rise to fame, there are certain things you just don’t write and share about and referring to girls as “rapebait” is definitely one of them. But soon enough another idiot who thinks they’re funny will leak a new raging email in hopes of getting noticed. We’ll be waiting.